Glo: After 4 Months

Having someone that would be wiling to share the burden of sharing God's word in young adults ministry is not something to be taken lightly. Lucky me, I have 2 =) I'm not 100% sure how the rest thought of their sharing, but I was really blessed.

Sometimes I do feel that I need to be in control of every single tiny little detail, but in retrospect, its really stupid for me to think that I would be able to manage it alone. I'm beginning to let go now, starting to learn how to depend on God and on my friends more than I ever have.

So, after about 3 months of handling this ministry, what can I say? I know I've been sharing my struggles and hardly painting a beautiful picture for you guys. But I just want to say that, ministry in church is not something supernaturally perfect. The people in it are still people. We are prone to small mistakes, big mistakes, gigantic mistakes, you name it.

The difference in the end is that we are not depending on our own strength, but on God's. When you see it in that light, ministry in church will start to look pretty good. Its something that we have to learn and relearn again down the road.

If you're stuck in a rut now, start searching for a solution, start looking further than you have ever looked before. The only way to escape is to decide on something life changing, not just accepting things as it is.

Benevolent Irrelevance

How do you know when you've become irrelevant?

Is is when people don't seem to want to be with you anymore? Is it when all the chatter is directed all around you but never to you? Is it when you start to think that you can never have a real relationship with someone? A kind of comfort next to you, knowing that you can pour out your soul, and it would be caught?

We spend our life finding for a place to belong - the fortunate find permanence, the rest of us are considered lucky if we could even get a glimpse of where to go

O My Whiny Little Heels

Maybe I should comment about my inadequacy to make people love me for who I am. So not to end up sounding like a whiny bastard, I will try to keep this as straight as possible.

This is not a retaliation, it is a admission.

Everyone is plagued by their own weaknesses. But more often than not, we have, what some guy came up with a long long time ago, an Achilles heel. Well, I will not try to analyze and write a whole thesis on mine, but the fact is that I do have quite a big Achilles heel. And I think that it came up about just 2 years ago. What an eventful year, but thank God, everything is over and dealt with. Hell, everyone is even happier now. But I think I brought along with me some souvenirs from that place.

So it turns out that I have made much much more mistakes than I originally thought I did. Seriously, its like a miscalculation of mistaking 100 for 1. And so the struggle begins. Trying to be the kind of servant that forgave his debtors because his master forgave his first. Its hard when you take into consideration that there are such a thing as rights. Thats where the struggle kicks in. The longer you live with your faith, the longer you realize that we, in actuality, do not have any rights.

Sounds hard to accept, but the bible says something that kind of puts all of this into perspective. Summoning all my wisdom (not alot), the bible tells us that we are saved by what Jesus did on the cross. He died in our place and ended up taking our place to receive the punishment that we so deserved as sinners. So we are saved by accepting Jesus not by our good works (or whatever we could do ), but by the thing that he did on the cross.

Knowing that well in my head, and putting 1 and 1 together, if I would to fight for my rights, I would ultimately deserve hell too. Not something I'm partial for.

After all that paragraphs, it still doesn't explain the main thing thats on my mind. Why is it so hard to make people love you for who you are? Even if you do end up being a shitty person along the way. I do not demand for love because I think I deserve it. I have never dared to think so. But I did wonder why can't I expect unconditional love from people for the times that I do stumble?

The answer is pretty simple. Too simple and cliché for my taste though. But who can deny the truth?