Christmas Trees by Mable Dwight
Christmas is such a wonderful time, filled with joy and laughter and love, but as the years go by, I find myself getting all the wrong emotions during this time. It started out with a less laughter, then sad, then depression. No this is not an emo post.
I can't help but feel depressed during the season. It's something inside of me that just goes off and then I find my emotions going down as Christmas time passes me by. Do we all just naturally cynical towards all holiday seasons? I think I'm something like that.
I've wondered, what's thereal reason I feel this way? Some words do come to mind.
Loneliness, dissatisfaction, fatigued, sympathy, exasperation...
Big words, equally big emotions.
Saturday, November 24
The 25th
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Hi,
ReplyDeleteYou been doing lots for Christmas in the last few years and you have given more than a fair share of your abilities and time to the cause. Kudos.
Then again, your abilities and talents have not gone to waste brother cos many have been blessed. A pat on the back for you.
Maybe we should go back to basic and remind ourselves what Christmas is all about instead of just doing 'things'.
Hope your coming Christmas is a good one.
Cheers :)
Steven
Ok, I understand dissatisfaction, fatigue and exasperation but loneliness and sympathy? Dude you're surrounded by some of the best friends I have ever seen not to mention you do have one killer girlfriend! How can you be experiencing loneliness? Hmmm and sympathy for what might I ask? Its actually very usual for us college students to feel a little tired and fatigued during the year end holiday season, thats because we're all busy with studies and assignments and preparing for exams and what not. And of course there's all the Christmas preparations to be done. Guess we just have to pace ourselves sometimes eh...
ReplyDeletei do comprehend some of the emotions you are experiencing. I think I go through something similar (sort of, to a certain extent).
ReplyDeleteI have sat down and thought long and hard about this, some time back, with a bottle of whisky of course.
I think when Christmas/New Year hits, we are at the mini-crossroads of our life. It becomes the time we assess everything. It is only natural, since it is the end of the year, and a new dawn is beckoning.
Personally, I ask myself questions like "am I happy" or "what should I have done differently" and yada yada yada.
Most of the time, these questions lead to semi-depression, semi-realization, and semi-loneliness. Suddenly, we realize that underneath all the happiness, there is always a little bit of sadness. That in the midst of all the chaos and ataxia that life has thrown upon us, we failed to reflect on this, or rectify it.
And that sadness is like a psychotic twin brother that eats away at you, gnawing at your self-esteem and self-confidence.
That being said, life was never meant to be as easy as plucking grapes of its stems. It is not how we annihilate that sadness that matters; it is what makes us happy that truly matters.
When you look to your right, you see the love of your life holding your right hand (for you it is Joyce), oozing with love and affection;
When you look right up ahead, you see all the friends and family who love and care for you, and swear by the name of friendship that they would go the distance for you, with you;
And when you look deep inside yourself, you would find that through out these 20 odd years, there was something else holding you up, something omnipotent. And the fact that we are all still here, smiling, our hearts beating, means that there is a greater purpose to our life than me and you could ever imagine.
And that is the beauty of life, not knowing what tomorrow holds. But knowing that regardless of what tomorrow brings, you can smile, you can love, and you can live.
“Smile, even if it's a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.”
Random and unrelated.
ReplyDeleteHello Steven! hehhee... Why don't you sign in as Steven instead of leaving it anonymous and then leaving your name at the bottom?
It's just nicer to see a "Steven said..." Instead of "anonymous said..."
Hehh...
ok, bye.
How's that?
ReplyDeleteI'll remember to sign in the next time. Thanks Petrina.
Cheers
PS: sorry Josh, totally unrelated.
Steven, thanks for the words of encouragement. You have been much more than just a fellow church member to me. May we both have a good Christmas this year.
ReplyDeleteMarcus, I guess it's not so much an emotion that came out of practical reasons, but more of just plain ol' feelings. Like how you would feel a certain vibe in the air.
Chris, your insights are always spot on. I think we still are on the same wavelength =) It's just a thing that have been with me for the past few years. If you've watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas" before... it's just so close to what I feel.